The Dark Road

"Choices"

Journal entry

January 10, 2017

With a desire to begin the new year with my future hopes and wishes on the table before God, I prayed:

LORD, if You let me live eighty years or more,

I want to be a part of

helping people find freedom

through Your grace and deliverance,

whether You make me an intercessor or You call me

to be right there in battle, waging war

against Your enemy."

A few days later...

Sunday morning, I felt Neil's arm slip around my waist. Relishing the moment, I snuggled in closer. Hearing our boys playing in the living room brought feelings of both comfort and delight. The muscles in my neck relaxed, allowing the down-filled pillow cradle my head. Then, with eyes still closed, as though in a dream, an image materialised in my mind's eye.

*****

I saw a building with four pillars, on at each corner, that looked like teeth. The words that accompanied the picture in my mind were vampire, sexual, and feasting. I scanned the panoramic scene before me and realized I stood on a road made of stones. Although I could see the road, it was so dark, I couldn't see very far ahead on the road. I saw no other travelers.

"The stone path was much like a bridge..."

The stone path was straight and much like a bridge in that it split the scene from one side to the other. On each side of the "bridge," a city spread as far as my eyes could see. A shiver vibrated my torso reaching my limbs. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness of either side of the path, I began to make out what looked like buildings. Yes! There were apartment buildings, condos, skyscrapers, and businesses. How did I miss all this a minute ago? Then as I continued to gaze at the various architecture, I saw everything was all built closely together, leaving no room for yards, parks, gardens, or anything delightful and warm. At first, it seemed warmth and shelter from this cold darkness would be found in the hospitality of each domicile. Then I perceived something else.

Each building, although seemingly toasty from the chilly, dark night, was filled with malevolent, cold perversion. Each domicile represented one thing: sexual perversion —abuse, rape, ritual sex. All kinds of sexual deviance with people of all ages. I soon realized this city was all about sexual desecration and exploitation. I shuddered, but not from the chill in the air.

Turning to look behind me, warmth and light met darkness at the threshold of the bridge where I stood. I turned again with the stone path before me, straining to see light on the horizon. But I couldn't see any light —except for city lights flagging any traveler to dare enter the secretive premises on each side.

I wanted to turn around and run back to the sun's warmth and comfort when I heard a Voice behind me. "Will you walk this road for Me?"

I knew that Voice well. Aghast and appalled, I cried, "Lord! Why would You ask someone You love to walk this road? How could You?!"

"Would you obey Me, even if you didn't know why?"

"How can You...?!" Panic-stricken tears filled my eyes as my voice choked and I was unable to complete the question. In that moment, His will for me was revealed in His question. The full realization of my circumstances lay before me as clear as the divide of darkness and light at the threshold of the stone road. Squeezing my eyes closed in order to avoid the scene before me, I reasoned within my soul. I could just say "no." On that note, if I chose to run towards all that was safe and familiar, I'd be disobeying my Father's will. On the other hand, I could agree to embrace His will and begin my journey down this road, not knowing where it led or why I was walking this path —other than just becasuse He asked.

Opening my eyes, I peered as far into the black hole in the scene before me. Thoughts drove me wild with fear. Who knows what could happen? Would I be tempted beyond my ability to refuse? Would I be raped and left for dead alongside this ominous rocky path? Would I be detained and beaten? How could He ask me to do such a thing?!

I don't want to go.

Then His calm and serene Voice broke into my fearful thoughts. "You will never walk alone. I will always be with you, even if it gets so dark your eyes cannot see Me or the screams and terrors from the city seem so loud, your ears temporarily cannot hear My footsteps next to you. I'll not leave you. I'll always be with you; you'll never be alone."

*****

I had enough of this "dream" —or whatever it was— and was ready to be back in the present. I stared at the ceiling for a moment, then rolled to my side to face my husband who I was trying to shake awake. Although seeing Neil lying beside me brought comfort, the horror of that dark city and that long, lonely road in my mind's eye still permeated my senses. I snuggled closer to Neil hugging his body. I needed to tell him.

"Babe, can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, what's up?" A groggy yawn punctuated his question.

He was still waking up as I began to relay my "vision" to him. It didn't take long for his mind to kick into full gear. I continued, "When I asked God where the boys were and what would happen to them if I walked this road, He said, 'They will follow you.' Then I asked God about you (because I didn't see you there either). He said that you have been chosen to walk a different road leading to the same place my road led. And before I could ask, He answered my next qeustion. He said, 'The boys will follow him on his road at the same time they follow you on yours. They will follow both of you down both your roads. They will be protected as they follow your lead, so each of you must take care as you travel.'"

Neil didn't know how to respond. We lay there for a few more minutes. The boys were still playing in the living room. Minutes ticked by and I wrestled with the answer I could give God on whether I would walk that road or not. Was it just a dream? My eyes were closed, but I wasn't asleep, Clearly, it was more than just a dream.

The scene froze like ice in my mind as though on "pause" waiting for the rest of the scenario to play out. I needed a sense of resolution to this... whatever it was. So, I rolled over to my other side again. This time, I wanted to feel Neil near, so I made sure my back felt fully protected by his body as I rolled back into the same position as before. He held me tightly as I closed my eyes, relenting to the vision once again, allowing it to overwhelm my thoughts as I pushed away the knowledge of having to get up shortly to get ready for church. I had to finish this conversation!

*****

Once again, I stood in the middle of the road with Christ standing next to me.

"Okay, I'll go," I said. "Because You asked me, I'll go. But, please don't allow me to give into any temptation along the way. Please... "

He smiled reassuringly and gave me instructions. "Stay on this road. Don't run. Just walk. If you get tired, keep walking. I will help you. Don't ever stop. I wll protect Noah and Judah. Don't worry about them. They will follow your lead, so just keep walking straight on this road. You cannot see the other side, but on the other side, there is light and warmth again. Walk through this city, always staying on this road. Always walking, don't turn left or right. Keep walking straight on this road."

"Okay, I'll go," I repeated looking down into the darkness. Again, I strained to see any light on the other side of the city for sake of fixing my eyes on a tangible source of comfort, but the journey, as far as I could see, offered only darkness. Then His words pierced the growing fear again. "You will never walk alone. I will always be with you, even if it gets so dark your eyes cannot see Me or the screams and terrors from the city seem so loud, your ears temporarily cannot hear My footsteps next to you. But I'll not leave you. I'll always be with you, and you'll never be alone."

As soon as He spoke the last words, courage began to grow from somewhere deep within, and my voice sounded stronger than I actually felt. And a new sense of resolve washed through me in that moment as I spoke. "I'll go for You, Lord. I'm ready whenever You tell me it's time. Just, please, don't leave, and help me remain true, walking steadily, unfaltering on this road, even when I'm tired.

"I will never leave you," He promised again. "I'll even carry you when you need it. I'll give you My strength so you'll not tire to the point of exhaustion. Just walk the pace I've given you." For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why He would want me to walk this path. But in the end, my willing obedience was all that mattered.

*****

I made my decision —whatever it meant or however it looked. It was time to get ready for church.

An hour later, I stared blankly out the Nissan Murano passenger window watching trees and fields fly by. In the back seat, the boys remained in tune with their respective devices and headphones. The vision continued to replay on the movie screen in my head while Neil drove on in silence —except for the chips he was munching.

Lord, I'll do whatever You ask me, but I don't get why You would want me to do this. You don't have to tell me, but I'd really like to know why.

The trees breezed by in a blur at fifty-five miles an hour on the side road leading to the interstate. Just then, the image appeared in my head again. Only this time, as I saw myself walking through the darkness, hundreds of souls from the city left their strongholds of sexual perversion and began following me down the road that led through the heart of the city. People experienced healing, deliverance, and freedom from all that had been done to them and all they'd done to others as they followed. I obeyed the instructions I'd been given to walk intentionally down the middle of the road, not veering to the left or right. Through the darkness, we walked. Hundreds. Thousands. The further into the darkness we traveled, I was given a song to sing that led to freedom on the road that led through the darkness into the night —but always toward the unseen Light.

Will you walk with me?